Archive

Archive of : February, 2012

A Generous Scot

The Laird and his Good wife walked past a swanky new restaurant last night. “Did you smell that food?” she asked. “Incredible!” Being the good Scot that he was, he thought, “What the heck, I’ll treat her!” So they walked past the restaurant again.

The Good Samaritan

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out, “Perhaps you should hear how all this came about… “I was driving...

Golf Club Membership Application

An elderly Scottish Jew decided to retire and take up golf. So he applied for membership at a local golf club. About a week later he received a letter that his application has been rejected. So he went to the club to inquire as to why: Secretary: You are...

Homework

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and...

Silent Parrot

A man buys a parrot, but after several weeks of trying, is unable to get it to speak a single word. In desperation he takes the bird to a vet for advice. The vet tells him that the parrot’s beak is too long which is preventing him from speaking....

Efficiency Expert

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home.” “Why?” asked somebody from the audience. “I watched my wife’s routine at dinner for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove,...

Checking petrol with a match

On his first day working at the gas station, John watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the underground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. “What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?” John said as a joke....

Rubbers

Prom Night was coming up, and a girl announced to her boyfriend that she wanted to make it special and take a hotel room for the night. Being the responsible type, the boy went to the Pharmacy to purchase protection. The pharmacist was very helpful and guided the boy...

Coffee Viagra

A middle aged Irish woman went to her doctor to ask advice in reviving her husband’s libido. “What about trying Viagra?” asked the doctor. “Not a chance,” she said. “He won’t even take an aspirin.” “Not a problem,” replied the doctor. “Drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He...

Noorty Professor

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell “naughty” stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before...