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Larry (Jenolan) Lewis

Coding is what defines me, especially when it doesn't… also.

Jenolan Caves

This is not Jenolan Caves, we use the Jenolan name because we love the Jenolan, Abercrombie, Wombeyan, & Yarrangobilly caves.

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Copyright © Larry Lewis 1973-2019 Jenolan's CESS. All Rights Reserved.

All Trademarks and Registered Names are held by their respective owners.

HTML5 Powered with Connectivity / Realtime, CSS3 / Styling, Graphics, 3D & Effects, Performance & Integration, and Semantics

CESS Code v0.14

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  • 2011-04-23
    Truth


    •  Jenolan

      A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all between 10 and 12 years of age. The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked, “What are you doing with that dog?”

      One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we’ve decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog.”

      Of course, the Reverend was taken aback. “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning with, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie?” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.”

      There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the Reverend was beginning to think he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, “All right, give him the dog.”

  • 2011-04-23
    Speak clearly!


    •  Jenolan

      A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year.

      So he waits 14 agonizing years – accumulating all his words – before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat.

      He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, “My darling, I have waited many years to say this – will you marry me?”

      The princess turns around, smiles, and says, “Pardon?”



    •  Jenolan

      A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

      “Well,” explained the husband, “it all goes back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.”

      “We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, ‘That’s once.’ We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly spoke: ‘That’s twice.’ We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse, hopped down off the beast, and shot the mule dead.”

      “I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’”



    •  Jenolan

      It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

      The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

      Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down.

      “Now try lifting your dress up your thighs”… this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

      Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, “Now, tell HIM you have a headache.”

  • 2011-04-25
    The Scavenger Hunt


    •  Jenolan

      A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.

      “Ma’am,” he explained, “I’m on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar.”

      “Wow,” the woman replied. “Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?”

      “My babysitter’s boyfriend.”