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Larry (Jenolan) Lewis

Coding is what defines me, especially when it doesn't… also.

Jenolan Caves

This is not Jenolan Caves, we use the Jenolan name because we love the Jenolan, Abercrombie, Wombeyan, & Yarrangobilly caves.

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Copyright © Larry Lewis 1973-2019 Jenolan's CESS. All Rights Reserved.

All Trademarks and Registered Names are held by their respective owners.

HTML5 Powered with Connectivity / Realtime, CSS3 / Styling, Graphics, 3D & Effects, Performance & Integration, and Semantics

CESS Code v0.14

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  • 2011-06-12
    Quick a ladder

    •  Jenolan

      “Send someone over quickly!” the old woman screamed into the phone. “Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!”

      “This is the Fire Department, lady,” the voice replied. “I’ll have to transfer you to the Police Department.”

      “No, it’s YOU I want!” she yelled. “They need a longer ladder!”

  • 2011-06-12
    Dead rabbit

    •  Jenolan

      One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized it was the next door neighbour’s daughter’s rabbit. For years I had watch her come home from school and head straight out to its cage, free it and play with it in the garden. I knew today would be no different and fearing for our dog, I had to think fast.

      The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the dog brush and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing its grooming, I jumped the fence and replaced it back in its cage hoping its death would be written off as “natural causes”. Within the hour, the neighbour’s car pulled in and out popped the little girl, and as usual she headed straight for the cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed “DDDDDAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

      Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbour that I am, I rushed to fence and asked if there was anything I could do.

      Her father less than calmly blurted, “What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl’s dead rabbit and put it back in it’s cage?”

    •  Jenolan

      A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favour?”

      “Of course. What may I do for you?”

      “Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

      “I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

      “With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

      When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

      “From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

      The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

      “I have a marvellous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

      Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father.” Next!

  • 2011-06-13
    The smart blonde

    •  Jenolan

      A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket.

      The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart and I have a good job. I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”

      The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, and I have a good job. I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”

      The stewardesses doesn’t know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot.

      The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.

      The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move.

      The copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”

  • 2011-04-18
    The Nun

    •  Jenolan

      Not long after his marriage, Joe Jr and his father Joe Sr, met for lunch.

      “Well, son,” asked Joe Sr, “how is married life treating you?”

      “Not very well, I’m afraid,” sighed Junior. “It seems I married a nun.”

      “A nun?” his father questioned.

      “That’s right,” moaned Joe Jr. “None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!”

      Joe Sr nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times.

      “Why don’t we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?”

      Young Joe smiled, “Say, Dad, that’s a great idea!”

      “Fine,” replied Joe Sr, “I’ll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates.”