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Larry (Jenolan) Lewis

Coding is what defines me, especially when it doesn't… also.

Jenolan Caves

This is not Jenolan Caves, we use the Jenolan name because we love the Jenolan, Abercrombie, Wombeyan, & Yarrangobilly caves.

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Copyright © Larry Lewis 1973-2019 Jenolan's CESS. All Rights Reserved.

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    •  Jenolan

      Three women were talking about their love lives.

      The first said, “My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated.”

      The second said, “Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful.”

      The third said, “Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it’s still going.”

  • 2011-05-23

    •  Jenolan

      A guy goes to see the doctor, because he’s a little too well-endowed. In fact, it’s 25 inches long and he can’t get any women to have sex with him.

      Anyway, the doctor says there’s nothing he can do medically, but recommends a witch doctor that he thinks might be able to help.

      The witch doctor takes a look at the problem and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. “Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you’ll be 5 inches shorter.”

      Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest. He finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. “Frog, will you marry me?”

      The frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, “No.”

      The guy looks down and sure enough, he’s 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great he thinks — let’s try that again. “Will you marry me?”

      The frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, “No!”

      Zappo! — the guy’s down to 15 inches. Well, that’s still a bit excessive, he thinks. Down another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again, “Frog, will you marry me?”

      The irritated frog yells back, “Look..how many times do I have to tell you? No, No, NO!”

  • 2011-06-08

    •  Jenolan

      Swiss mountain guides who always do the same trails can get tired answering the same questions over and over. One time an English tourist was giving his guide an especially hard time with silly questions. They were walking through a mountain valley that was strewn with rocks, and the traveler asked, “How did these rocks get here?”

      “Sir,” said the guide, “they were brought down by a glacier.”

      The tourist peered up the mountain and said, “But I don’t see any glacier.”

      “Oh, really?” said the guide. “I guess it has gone back for more rocks.”

    •  Jenolan

      A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

      They were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, “We’re about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?” The first guy said that he wasn’t much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

      The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

      As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.

      The first fellow then revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

      The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.

      The Priest said, “You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.”

      The pro said, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

      The Priest said, “Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I’ll marry them.

    •  Jenolan

      An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”

      The old farmer said, “That’s my pet rooster chucky. Wherever I go, chuck goes.”

      “I’m sorry sir,” said the ticket agent.”We can’t allow animals in the theater.”

      The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his overalls. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

      The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unbuttoned his fly so chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.

      “Marge,” whispered Mildred.

      “What?” said Marge.

      “I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”

      “What makes you think so?” asked Marge.

      “He undid his pants and he has his thing out,” whispered Mildred.

      “Well, don’t worry about it,” said Marge. “At our age we’ve seen them all.”

      “I thought so too,” said Mildred, “but this one’s eating my popcorn!”