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Larry (Jenolan) Lewis

Coding is what defines me, especially when it doesn't… also.

Jenolan Caves

This is not Jenolan Caves, we use the Jenolan name because we love the Jenolan, Abercrombie, Wombeyan, & Yarrangobilly caves.

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Copyright © Larry Lewis 1973-2019 Jenolan's CESS. All Rights Reserved.

All Trademarks and Registered Names are held by their respective owners.

HTML5 Powered with Connectivity / Realtime, CSS3 / Styling, Graphics, 3D & Effects, Performance & Integration, and Semantics

CESS Code v0.14

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  • 2011-06-28
    The pickle slicer

    •  Jenolan

      A man comes home from working at a pickle factory and he seems troubled. His wife asks him what’s wrong and the man says, “Oh, nothing. I just… well… recently I’ve had an uncontrollable urge to put my penis in the pickle slicer.”

      His wife nearly faints, then she blurts out: “Why? You need to go see someone. I’m going to make an appointment with a therapist or someone tomorrow.”

      The man protests, “No, no. It’s fine. Really. I’m not going to do it.”

      Everything is fine for a few weeks, but then the man comes home early from work and he’s pale as a ghost. His wife inquires, “What’s the matter? You look terrible!”

      The husband tells her, “Well, remember when I said I wanted to put my penis in the pickle slicer?”

      The wife gasps, “You did? What happened?”

      The man starts to cry. “I got fired!”

      “I don’t care about that! Are you okay? What happened with the pickle slicer?”

      The man sobs, “She got fired, too.”

  • 2011-06-28
    Damned moths

    •  Jenolan

      A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

      “Quick,” said the woman to the lover,”into the closet,” and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

      The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. “Who are you?” he asked him.

      “I’m an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,” said the exterminator.

      “What are you doing in there?” the husband asked.

      “I’m investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,” the man replied.

      “And where are your clothes?” asked the husband.

      The man looked down at himself and said, “Those little bastards!”

  • 2011-07-06
    Honeymoon cruise

    •  Jenolan

      A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the cruise ship desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced.

      When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. “We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!”

  • 2011-07-06

    •  Jenolan

      Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, “Esther I’d like to ride that helicopter”. Esther would replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars and fifty dollars is fifty dollars”.

      One year Esther and Morris went to the fair and Morris said, “Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter I might not ever get another chance.” To this Esther replied, “Morris that helicopter is fifty dollars and fifty dollars is fifty dollars”.

      The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word I won’t charge you a penny. But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars”.

      Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over but still not a word was heard.

      When they landed the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly I did everything I could to get you to yell out but you didn’t. I’m impressed.”

      Morris replied, “Well to tell you the truth I almost said something when Esther fell out but you know fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

  • 2011-07-06
    Little Guy

    •  Jenolan

      A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy.”

      Bartender asks, “You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?”

      The guy says, “Oh, I want them both now. I’ve got my best buddy in my pocket here.”

      He then pulls a little 3 inch man out of his pocket.

      The bartender asks, “You mean to say, he can drink that much?”

      “Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some,” the man retorted.

      So, the bartender pours the 2 shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.

      “That’s amazing!” says the bartender. “What else can he do? Can he walk?”

      The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, “Hey, Rodney, go fetch that quarter.” The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter and runs back down and gives it to the man.

      The bartender is in total shock. “That’s amazing!” he says. “What else can he do? Does he talk?”

      The man looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eyes and says, “Talk? Sure he talks. Hey, Rodney, tell him about that time we were in down in Africa, on safari, hunting and you called that native witch doctor a dickhead!”