R’U’OK Day

Today is R'U'Okay day … it is a wonderful idea I suppose but as someone who has struggled with serious depression for most of my life it just seems like another feel good rather than anything meaningful. Seriously … although I have been reasonably ‘stable' for about 5 years with my current medication I can tell you that simply opening your eyes for a new day is not a joy. Every day is a struggle to try and not think dark thoughts, let alone try and think one happy thought.

You might be surprised, but I can go a day, week, month or more without even a chuckle let alone a moment of joy. To me a day is a success if I do not think that I should just not exist and rest. Helen is my life and my only anchor, happiness to me is something that you see on TV (if at all) people survive, sometimes regardless of the impediments, that does not mean that life is enjoyable each day is simply another excruciatingly painful experience.

One day is irrelevant, meaningless, demeaning … one day is how we live, every damn day, not giving up, waking up to no joy, to no happiness, trying as hard as we can not not make other people's day a misery while we continue on in a life that has nothing except maybe that one person who makes you partially hooman, who regardless of your long silences, and dark looks still gives you a smile.

One day! That's a life time to us.