Archive

Archive of : July, 2012

Impossibilities

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD 1. U can’t count your hair 2. U can’t wash your eyes with soap 3. U can’t breathe when your tongue is out

Having a baby

Jimmy says to his boss, “Sir, I need tomorrow off. My wife is going to have a baby.” The boss gives him the day off. Two days later Jimmy walks into work and the boss asks, “Hey Jimmy, was it a boy or a girl?” Jimmy says, “We won’t...

Little Johnny Joke No. 2,463

Little Johnny heard the word “whorehouse” during recess and later asked his father what it meant. Dad was shocked. “Well, uh, John, that’s a place where men go to, uh, to have a good time.” Johnny replied, “I wanna go there. I wanna go there!” Dad insisted that Johnny...

Irish ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?’

Mick appeared on the Irish version of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” and towards the end of the program had already won $500,000. “You’ve done very well so far,” said the show’s presenter, “but for $1 million you’ve only got one lifeline left – ‘phone a friend’. Everything...

Little Johhny

Little Jimmy is walking past his parents’ bedroom and the door is open. He looks in and says to them, “And you think you sent me to a shrink for suckin’ on mythumb?!”

Presents

Last Christmas my wife gave me a new iPad. We gave the two boys an iPhone each and the two daughters an iPod each. I gave my wife a lovely new iRon………it was about that time the fight started!! I pointed out to her that the iRon would easily...

Lazy

A foreman had ten very lazy men working for him. One day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. “I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up.” Nine...

Expecting

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. “You see,” he explained, “my wife’s expecting.” “Oh…” said the Officer, “I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck.” The following week the same soldier was back again with...

Children

Question: Should I have a baby after 35? Answer: No, 35 children is enough.

Hearing Aid

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn’t want to spend a lot of money. “How much do they cost?” he asked the salesman. “Anything from $2 to $2,000.” “Can I see the $2 model?” said the customer. The salesman put the device around the...