Archive

Archive of : December, 2011

Strawberries

A farmer passes by an insane asylum with a load of fertilizer. One of the inmates calls out, “Hey! Watcha hauling?” “Fertilizer.” “Whadaya gonna do with it?” “Put it on my strawberries.” “Gee. We put cream on ours, and they call us crazy!”

Racing

The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race. He turned on the jockey. “Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?” “Sure I could have, but you know we’re supposed to stay on the horse.”

UniArt

A certain professor arrived late for a lecture to find a most uncomplimentary drawing of himself on the blackboard. Fuming, he asked the class joker in the front row, “Who, pray tell, was responsible for this atrocity?” The joker won tremendous prestige with his reply, “I really don’t know,...

Blonde jigsaw

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde says, “According to the picture on...

One stone

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was Onestone. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, “If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!”...

Gynaecologist’s Assistant

A young guy goes to the Job Centre in Charleston, West Virginia, and sees a flyer advertising for a Gynaecologist’s Assistant. Interested, he wants to learn more. “Can you give me some more details?” he asks the clerk. The clerk pulls up a file and says, “The job entails...

Consultation

She burst into the office and shouted. “Doctor, I can’t stand it! You’ve got to tell me what’s wrong!” He slowly surveyed her from head to toe and said, “Well, young lady, I do have three things to tell you.” “First, you need to lose about fifty pounds.” “Second,...

Three wishes

Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart. Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out. She said “I have three wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman...

Grandma rocks

One Christmas, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to remind her teen age children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgements of the generous checks she had given… The next year things were different, however. “The children came over in...

English grammar

An English teacher spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors in her students’ written work. She wasn’t sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples. A student asked, “What’s the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?” “Tense,” she...