Archive

Archive of : November, 2011

Milk the cow

The farmer goes to town one day, and runs across his old buddy who is a tractor sales man. How is it going? Asks the farmer. “Not very good, I haven’t sold a tractor in two weeks” said the salesman, “How is it going with you?” “Not so good”...

Clean shit … errr … shave

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. “I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between...

Marry the ugly one…

A guy starts a new job, and the boss says, “If you marry my daughter, I’ll make you a partner, give you an expense account, a Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary.” The guy says, “What’s wrong with her?” The boss shows him a picture, and she’s hideous....

Honeymoon

A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Blackpool for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, “So, tell me, how was it?” “Oh, it...

What a night

As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can’t forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in...

Truth will set you free

A fellow went to the red light district and walked into a brothel. There was nothing in sight and nothing there but an empty, bare hallway with two doors reading, “Over 35” and “Under 35.” He decided to be truthful and entered the door that said, “Over 35.” He...

I’m coming

Teacher: “Johnny, what’s wrong?” Johnny : “Our house is very small. Me, my mum and my dad all sleep in the same bed. Every night my dad asks if I’m sleeping. I say ‘No’, and he slaps my face and gives me a black eye…” Teacher: “Tonight, when your...

Vacuum

The Professor asked, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” The blonde student asked, “Is it on or off?”

Stuffing

Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother’s kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal. “What are you doing?” Simon enquired. “Oh, I’m just stuffing the turkey,” his grandmother replied. “Wow, that’s cool.” Simon remarked, “Are you going to hang it next to the deer?”

Airport

The school bus driver stopped to pick up a kindergarten student. The bus driver saw an older woman hugging the boy as he left his house. When the boy stepped on the bus, the driver asked, “Is that your grandma?” “Yes,” the boy said, “She’s come to visit us...