Blokes’ Rules (i.e. Aussie Blokes)

  • It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach… and it's delivered by a topless-supermodel … and it's free.
  • Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
  • Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
  • Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
  • If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
  • Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
  • You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
  • A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
  • Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both – that's just mean.
  • If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
  • Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a Mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
  • Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    • Yeah, Baby, Push it
    • C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    • Another set and we can hit the showers!