Archive

Archive of : February, 2011

Wedding Night

At 85 years of age, Morris marries LouAnne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, LouAnne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the...

Kill or cure?

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath.

Valentine’s Day

“Vern, how’d ya get the black eye?” “Well, I bought my girlfriend a dozen roses, a box of chocolates, and a sexy negligee for Valentine’s Day.” “And she hit you?!” “No. I left the receipts in my pocket and my wife found ‘em!”

Your job sucks?

Try this out: Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be...

Name That Animal

Mrs. Kummer was playing “Name That Animal” with her first-grade class. She held up a photograph of a cat and asked, “What kind of animal is this?” “A cat!” said Little Suzie. “Good job, Suzie! Now, what’s this?” “A dog,” said Little Ricky. “Good, Ricky! Now, what is this?”...

The sale

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front...

The engineer

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They...

Lawyers .. sorry attorneys .. sorry …

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders...

Heaven

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?” The man says, “Methodist.” St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.” Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion?” “Baptist.” “Go to...

The Pope goes to heaven .. really!

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception