Climb aboard the loco and proceed to Tarrenlea Cattle Siding. Make up the train and load the wagons. The cattle wagons, 18 of them, will be checked. Drive the train to Terry’s Livestock and unload. The wagons will again be checked. Shunt the train and put it away in the centre. Don’t go through any RED signals. All junctions and signals will be set for you. Watch your speed as there are some very steep grades and, on occasions, you may have to apply the hand brake ‘A’ to stop your train sliding forward.
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Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk.
Back at the shop, he opened the car’s trunk and soon discovered the problem.
Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: “Remove bowling ball from trunk”.]]>
He’d cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulled up in the driveway and yelled out her window, “Say, what do you get for yard work?”
The fellow thought for a moment, then answered, “The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.”]]>
Around seven o’clock, he suggested that he go outside, pretend to have just gotten home from work, and start their evening all over again.
His wife agreed.
He went outside, returned with a big smile, and announced, “Honey, I’m home!”
She scolded, “And exactly where have you been? It’s after seven o’clock!”]]>
And the other person said, “So, what are you up to?”
What kind of question is that? At this point, I was thinking this was too bizarre, so I said, “Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!”
At this point I was just trying to get out as fast as I could, when I heard another question. “Can I come over?”
Okay, this question was just too weird for me, but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I told the person, “No… I’m a little busy right now!!!”
Then I heard the person say nervously, “Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!”]]>
“It’s just not working, gone home to mothers”.
I opened the fridge… the light came on and the beer was cold.
Goodness knows what she’s on about!!!]]>
IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1. U can’t count your hair
2. U can’t wash your eyes with soap
3. U can’t breathe when your tongue is out
The boss gives him the day off.
Two days later Jimmy walks into work and the boss asks, “Hey Jimmy, was it a boy or a girl?”
Jimmy says, “We won’t know for nine months.”]]>
Dad was shocked. “Well, uh, John, that’s a place where men go to, uh, to have a good time.”
Johnny replied, “I wanna go there. I wanna go there!”
Dad insisted that Johnny was too young.
But on Saturday night, when Johnny’s dad and some of his friends headed to Mable’s for “a good time,” Little Johnny secretly followed them.
Once Dad and his buddies had been inside a while, Little Johnny knocked on Mable’s front door. She opened the door and was surprised to see an eight-year-old standing there. “Yes?” she asked.
“I’m here for a good time!” said Little Johnny.
Since Mabel had a heart of gold (of course!), she invited him inside, gave him three donuts, and then sent him on his way home.
Johnny took his time going home and arrived home well after his dad.
“Johnny, where have you been? It’s late!” demanded his father.
“I went to Mabel’s whorehouse, Daddy!”
Dad blanched. “You did? Umm, how was it?”
Johnny said, “Well, I managed the first two with no problem, but I just licked the third one!”]]>
“You’ve done very well so far,” said the show’s presenter, “but for $1 million you’ve only got one lifeline left – ‘phone a friend’. Everything is riding on this question……will you go for it?”
“Sure,” said Mick. “I’ll have a go!”
“OK. The question is: which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? (a) Robin, ( Sparrow,