IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1. U can’t count your hair

2. U can’t wash your eyes with soap

3. U can’t breathe when your tongue is out

The boss gives him the day off.
Two days later Jimmy walks into work and the boss asks, “Hey Jimmy, was it a boy or a girl?”
Jimmy says, “We won’t know for nine months.”]]>

Dad was shocked. “Well, uh, John, that’s a place where men go to, uh, to have a good time.”

Johnny replied, “I wanna go there. I wanna go there!”

Dad insisted that Johnny was too young.

But on Saturday night, when Johnny’s dad and some of his friends headed to Mable’s for “a good time,” Little Johnny secretly followed them.

Once Dad and his buddies had been inside a while, Little Johnny knocked on Mable’s front door. She opened the door and was surprised to see an eight-year-old standing there. “Yes?” she asked.

“I’m here for a good time!” said Little Johnny.

Since Mabel had a heart of gold (of course!), she invited him inside, gave him three donuts, and then sent him on his way home.

Johnny took his time going home and arrived home well after his dad.

“Johnny, where have you been? It’s late!” demanded his father.

“I went to Mabel’s whorehouse, Daddy!”

Dad blanched. “You did? Umm, how was it?”

Johnny said, “Well, I managed the first two with no problem, but I just licked the third one!”]]>

“You’ve done very well so far,” said the show’s presenter, “but for $1 million you’ve only got one lifeline left – ‘phone a friend’. Everything is riding on this question……will you go for it?”

“Sure,” said Mick. “I’ll have a go!”

“OK. The question is: which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? (a) Robin, ( Sparrow,

He looks in and says to them, “And you think you sent me to a shrink for suckin’ on mythumb?!”]]>

I gave my wife a lovely new iRon………it was about that time the fight started!!

I pointed out to her that the iRon would easily integrate into the home network (incorporating the iWash, iCook and iClean) which is essential to activate the iNag reminder service……she was not impressed. Perhaps the technicalities were a bit much for her.

Apparently she hasn’t been feeling too well ever since……is it possible to have a headache for 3 months??]]>

“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up.”

Nine hands went up.

“Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth man.

“Too much trouble,” came the reply.]]>

“You see,” he explained, “my wife’s expecting.”

“Oh…” said the Officer, “I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck.”

The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: “My wife’s expecting.”

The Officer looked surprised. “Still expecting?” he said, “Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the weekend off.”

When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. “Don’t tell me your wife is still expecting!” he bellowed.

“Yes sir!” said the soldier resolutely, “She’s still expecting.”

“What in heaven is she expecting?” cried the Officer.

“Me,” said the soldier simply.]]>

Answer: No, 35 children is enough.]]>

“Anything from $2 to $2,000.”

“Can I see the $2 model?” said the customer.

The salesman put the device around the man’s neck, and said: “You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket.”

“How does it work?” asked the customer.

“For $2, it doesn’t work,” said the salesman. “But when people see it on you, they’ll talk louder.”]]>