Archive

Archive of : January, 2012

Blond in church

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want...

History of Medicine

1000 A.D. — That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. 1850 A.D. — That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 1940 A.D. — That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. 1985 A.D. — That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic. 2012 A.D. — That...

Heaven and hell

Hell is where the police are German, the chefs are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.]]>

Deaf sex

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. “Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want...

Kids

The rabbi says, “Haven’t you done enough?”]]>

Ring da bell

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed men proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. “Well,” he snarled, “what do you want?” “I just...

Pay up!

Old age

“Ninety-six? What finally got him?” the other man asks. “Liquor and women.” “Well, that just goes to show you,” snickers the friend, “both will get you in the end.” “Well actually, no, it’s not what you think,” says the first man. “Toward the end, Grandpa couldn’t get either one,...

Spookie

He said to him, “It looks very scary here. Hope there are no ghosts over here.” The other man replied, “I guess not. I have been living here since I died twenty years ago and haven’t seen one yet.”]]>

Babysitting & fishing don’t go together

“I’ll never do that again!” he told his mother that evening. “I didn’t catch a thing!” “Oh, next time I’m sure she’ll be quiet and not scare the fish away,” his mother said. The boy said, “It wasn’t that. She ate all the bait.”]]>