Archive

Archive of : December, 2011

Strawberries

“Fertilizer.” “Whadaya gonna do with it?” “Put it on my strawberries.” “Gee. We put cream on ours, and they call us crazy!”]]>

Racing

He turned on the jockey. “Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?” “Sure I could have, but you know we’re supposed to stay on the horse.”]]>

UniArt

Fuming, he asked the class joker in the front row, “Who, pray tell, was responsible for this atrocity?” The joker won tremendous prestige with his reply, “I really don’t know, but I strongly suspect its your parents.”]]>

Blonde jigsaw

Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.” Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread...

One stone

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, “If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!” The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, “Good morning, Onestone.” He jumped...

Gynaecologist’s Assistant

Consultation

He slowly surveyed her from head to toe and said, “Well, young lady, I do have three things to tell you.” “First, you need to lose about fifty pounds.” “Second, You’d look a lot better if you used about one-tenth the blush and lipstick.” “Third, I’m an artist. The...

Three wishes

Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out. She said “I have three wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true.” Friend number one got excited. He said “I wish I was in Las Vegas with dice in one...

Grandma rocks

The next year things were different, however. “The children came over in person to thank me,” the grandparent told a friend triumphantly. “How wonderful!” the friend exclaimed. “What do you think caused their change in behaviour?” “Oh, that’s easy,” the grandmother replied. “This year I didn’t sign the checks.”]]>

English grammar

A student asked, “What’s the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?” “Tense,” she replied, describing her emotional state. After a slight pause the student tried again, “What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter?]]>