After a few minutes, LouAnne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It’s Morris! And he’s again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, LouAnne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses LouAnne, bids her a fond goodnight, and leaves LouAnne is set to go to sleep again.

However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again… Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another. As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, “I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, I’ve been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You’re a great lover, Morris.”

Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LouAnne and says, “You mean I was here already?”

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“Well, I bought my girlfriend a dozen roses, a box of chocolates, and a sexy negligee for Valentine’s Day.”
“And she hit you?!”
“No. I left the receipts in my pocket and my wife found ‘em!”

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Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into some very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer.

Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins!

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: “Every rectal thermometer made by Jonson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitised.”

Now close your eyes and repeat out louse five times, “I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.”

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“A cat!” said Little Suzie.

“Good job, Suzie! Now, what’s this?”

“A dog,” said Little Ricky.

“Good, Ricky! Now, what is this?” she asked and held up a photo of a mature male deer with an 8-point rack.

The class fell silent.

After a few moments, Mrs. Kummer prompted, “It’s what your mom calls your dad.”

Little Johnny’s hand shot up. “It’s a horny bastard!”

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A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line…

“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won’t open the store!”

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The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated:

“This is where your problem is.”

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:

One chalk mark: $1.

Knowing where to put it: $49,999.

He was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

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The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

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Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion?” “Baptist.” “Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.”A little girl asked her father, “Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once Upon a Time’?”

He replied, “No, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected I promise’.”

A third man arrives at the gates. “Religion?” “Jewish.” “Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.” The man says, “I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?” St. Peter tells him, “Well, the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they’re the only ones here.”

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