The second cannibal asks, “What kind of Missionary do you use?”

The other replied, “You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they’re sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.”

“Ah, ha!” the second cannibal replies. “No wonder. .. those are friars!”

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A retirement village decided to hold a Singles Dance, at which this very sweet 90-year-old gentleman met a very sweet 90-year-old lady, and they danced and talked and laughed, and just hit it off great. They continued to see each other for a while and enjoyed each other so much, and danced so well together, etc., that they decided to get married.

On their wedding night, they went to bed and he reached over and took her hand and squeezed it, and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep.

On the second night, when they went to bed, he reached over and squeezed her hand, and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep. On the third night, he reached over and took her hand, and she said, “Not tonight, honey, I have a headache.”

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The second guy laughs and agrees to the bet. They walk out to the edge of the cliff where the first guy jumps and falls out of sight within seconds. The second guy walks back into the bar and continues to drink thinking he’s won.

14 minutes later the first guy walks back into the bar unharmed. The second guy looks at him in amazement and asks “How the hell did you do that.” The first guy looks at him and shrugs, “There’s a draft, winds catch you bring you back up to the top of the cliff, pay up.”

The second guy gives him the hundred bucks and says “Wow, I’ve got to try that.” He walks out to the edge of the cliff, jumps, and dies when his body crashes to the ground.

The bartender looks at the first guy and shakes his head. “Superman, you can be such an asshole when you’re drinking

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“Why?” she asked.

“Because it’s been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs”, I said.

At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”

“Uh,” I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, “Um, it’s on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they won’t let you be a Mommy.”

“Oh.” was her only reply.

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

“I get it!” she beamed. “So if you flunk, you have to be the daddy!”

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